And here comes #3

You know how bad things happen in threes? Well here ya go. My sister had her baby this morning. She's been waiting for this little girl. And she finally made it.

I spent the day in Pittsburgh at the apartment building. My Mom called me to let me know around 6 this evening. And the way she said "your sister had the baby, and..." I knew I had to leave the room. Luckily my worst fears were not confirmed. They are both alive.

My sister had a hard labor, not surprising since Julianna weighed in at 8 lbs 3 oz, from a woman who normally weighs about 95 lbs soaking wet. They had some problems removing the placenta, but they finally did and her uterus starting clamping down normally. Julianna didn't fare quite as well. She was rushed to the larger hospital a couple of hours away due to a diagnosis of Imperforate Anus. They are unsure if it's high or low at this point or what all is involved. We think it's a good sign that they went by ambulance rather than airlifting her, so we don't think there were any signs of a cardiac problem and hopefully it's low which seems to be the better of the two. (I have a lot more reading to do on the subject.)

My sister is hopefully sleeping now and plans to check herself out in the morning whether they want her to or not. She is pumping so they can hopefully give Julianna the milk and we are looking into getting them a place to stay near the hospital until they find out exactly what needs to happen.

Today is the anniversary of two deaths in our family. One was our 4 yr old step-sister/cousin (yea, don't ask) who was run over by a bus, and the other was our great grandmother. My sister's little boy was born one day before the anniversary of my grandmother's daughter's death - I never knew her as she died at 4 months old, on my grandparent's wedding anniversary. Apparently my sister has a knack for these births, it's probably good she doesn't plan on having more children.

My grandmother left my sister's side at the hospital to head down a floor to continue visiting with her brother who is still there. She needs a break, and lots of prayers. As does my sister and little Julianna.....

Don't come crying to me when you screw yourself

So, we all know Psycho Mom is well, Psycho, and she lives, LIVES to screw over Mr. M. What she never thinks about however, is how she screws herself over in the process. (And of course she doesn't think about the kids, duh.)

Past instances include:

Waiting for a year so that the house appraises for more and then fighting for the additional money in court because she couldn't possibly allow her children to live in the only home they had known because that is what Mr. M wanted. Okay, so she gets an additional $20k in the settlement. But guess what? It cost her $25k in attorney fees. So, she lost $5k and her kids lost their home. Very smart decision. (Not to mention she should have only gotten what the house appraised for when she left since she didn't pay for anything during that year that it appreciated.)

She wants more money in the settlement so she decides to take the car with the lower value so she gets $5k in cash. And then she has to buy a new car because she hates having the old car. So she spends an additional $25k. Brilliant if you ask me.

The summer agreement. The judge refuses to hear the case, and the attorneys have to come up with a plan. Mr. M offers exactly what Psycho Mom wanted, 2 weeks on and 2 weeks off with a Sunday exchange. Sunday exchanges make sense because everyone can go away for the weekends, something that is VERY important to her because she wants her free vacations with Mommy and Daddy at the shore. What does Psycho Mom do? She has her attorney come back with the same schedule but Friday exchanges, at 8pm. Guess what? She can't go anywhere until Sat morning! Screws herself yet again, and then gets pissed at Mr. M when she has to get the kids on the next Friday. It was like she hadn't even listened to the offer, read the agreement and signed it.

Christmas break. She gets pissed off at Mr. M in Novemeber and decides to take Thanksgiving weekend and Christmas break away from him since her Mommy can watch the kids. In the back of her mind she of course knows she will offer him half of the week one day in advance, because of course he can take vacation then (rolleyes), and of course her Mommy doesn't want the kids all week on her vacation, and she suddenly has no coverage for the boys. Ooops, screwed herself again. Mr. M says no since he can't take time off work, he's one of 3 people in this week, and we have to come up Friday to pick his Mom up to visit anyway. So, she comes back with another e-mail now begging him to pick them up because she has the flu. First of all she's lying, she just doesn't have anyone to watch them yet, and second we say sure but she has to drop them off because we aren't driving up there three times when all of this could and SHOULD HAVE been settled 2 months ago. She says no of course.

To add to that, she offers him to keep the kids until Monday - not out of the kindness of her heart however. One has school and one doesn't, and guess who doesn't have a babysitter? Once again she's unprepared and expects Mr. M to pick up the slack, while she gets to say she is giving him the kids additional time. And if he says of course that he can't take the kids because he can't just quit working and drive 7 hours at her insistance at the last moment because he has to pay bills, she gets to say he doesn't want to see his kids. Isn't life grand for Psycho Mom.....

Basal Cell Skin Cancer

Mr. M got his diagnosis today. They say it's the best cancer to have if you are going to have it, so at least there is that. He will have surgery in March, so keep your fingers crossed that they get everything, AND that it never happens again.....

The house is semi clean

What a mess. As much as I love Christmas, although Mr. M thinks I'm Mrs. Grinch because I simply HATE claymation movies (and I won't digress into the whole Buddy and Holly story, suffice it to say SUCK IT MR. M), cleaning up is not my favorite thing in the world after holidays. There are still gifts littering the dining room, but for the most part, everything has been played with. And by that I mean, Mom has put everything together except for the new race track which STBEH of course stuck around for, until one of the cars exploded and the Prince cried his eyes out. So here is the run down:

Queen: Let me tell you this blog comes in handy. Mr. M remembered my World Map from Pottery Barn, though it took him a month to find it after he remembered I blogged about it (I'm so fucking smart, I tell ya). He also got me a book from my favorite author and a new set of headphones because my Ipod ones give me a huge headache. The Prince made me two books, oh my God, so adorable, and the Princess wrote me another beautiful letter and gave me a stuffed animal. My ex-MIL gave me a calendar by one of our favorite artists that she always gets me, and a lovely bottle of Grey Goose which Mr. M has stolen already. The STBEH got us a bottle of wine as well, though he expected to drink it at dinner, we gave him the cheap stuff instead ;)

Mr. M: He lucked out with a new poker table (now we need a few more friends in the neighborhood), a fabulouse wine opener set (it seriously fucking rocks and I'm not allowed to touch it), PJ bottoms (he is the fucking HOTTEST in his pj's) and a sweater from the kids (I will likely cream myself when he wears it).

Princess: Oh my God. Someone got her Slutz dolls, luckily it was just a purse or something, Sky Dancers, lots of books including The Secret Garden, Pride and Prejudice, Little Women and Junie B Jones series. Her own little yoga set so she'll stay off mine, stationary set, lots of girly purses and jewelry, password journal (yea that thing is a piece of shit) friendship bracelet kit (yea can someone remind me how to braid this shit?) CD's, some clothes of course, roller blades, and her new big bike.

Prince: Kids cooking set (he wants to be a TV chef) couple of cook books, an Egyptology book, spy set (really cool), puzzles, more magnetics, lots of Bionicles shit that will definitely be sent to Dad's house (way too many little teeny tiny pieces), DDR (this one's for you Sanctuary members), some clothes, previously mentioned race track, roller blades, and his new big bike.

The kids haven't opened a few things since the boys aren't here yet. They got more games, we are collecting the library series of board games so I think we added Monopoly and Scrabble or something. I got them all stretched canvasses and paints to make some art for their rooms, that should be fun for everyone, as well as the Twister game the boys picked out for the Princess. Can't wait to see how many bones are broken!

The turkey was perfect and my stuffing kicked ass. Our lobsters on Christmas Eve were fabulous as well, steamed in Vodka, mmmmmmmmmm, with crab stuffed mushrooms. We hope everyone had a very Merry Christmas.....

Whoops

The Prince was conspiring with Mr. M yesterday to hide my gift he made at school. He was very concerned that I hadn't heard what he had made and I assured him I didn't hear anything.

Prince: Well that's good, then you don't know it's a book.
Queen: You are way too cute (laughs)
Prince: Aw crap (slaps forehead)
Princess: Good job (rolls eyes)

We finally finished shopping last night and we are taking the kids to the light show that they missed when the boys were here last weekend. Another chance for Mr. M and I to freeze our asses off! Tomorrow we will be braving the crowds to finish the Christmas dinner shopping and hopefully wrapping everything. Have a wonderful Christmas.....

Dizzy Fun Land

If you are looking for last minute gifts for your kids, I gotta put out the 411 for the Dizzy Fun Land set. This thing rocks. My kids have played with it for a year now. It's basically a lego set to build carnival rides. You can build ferris wheels, bumper cars, carousels and more, AND it comes with a full pamphlet of exactly how to do them. It includes a little motor that attaches to the gears to make everything move. My kids can follow the pictures with zero help which is awesome. They love that they can build it all by themselves, and I love not getting frustrated when I can't figure something out.....

Supernanny

Mr. M and I are big fans of Nanny 911 and SuperNanny, in fact, I'd like to hire them to help Psycho Mom, but I'm sure that would go over well. (Cut to the news this week where she is telling her children it's their fault she hasn't received a full paycheck in weeks because they are always sick and where she tells them they have to go to court and tell them where they want to live. grrrrrr) So, Supernanny is on Oprah right now, and the Prince is staring wide eyed, he's never seen kids act like this.

Prince: Man, baby's are bad. They get mad, they yell, and then they get attitudes and cry. I don't like babies.

LMFAO. Attitudes. Then he starts thinking...

Prince: Man, what was I like as a baby?

LOL. I assured him he didn't act like that.....

Then one froggy Christmas Eve

Much like Kristie, I've been having very realistic dreams. One was visiting my best friend from high school. We kept in close touch during college though we were 8 hours away, she was my Maid of Honor, I was hers, I still visit her parents when I go home, but we haven't really seen each other since after her wedding several years ago. We met up in London and we write letters a couple of times a year, but now it's pretty much down to Christmas cards. When hers came I immediately had a dream about her new home that I've never been to. She lives only an hour and a half away, but everytime she calls she only talks for 5 minutes, and usually it's from work. I gave up being the one to set aside time for her when she stopped returning the time to me. I still miss her though. She is the one person that knows most of my past life, and yet right now, she really knows nothing. I hadn't even told her about Mr. M until my Christmas card this year.

The other dream was about Mr. M and what he got me for Christmas. Both dreams really freaked me out because they were so real, but also because I RARELY dream about people I know. The contents of both dreams were very important to me, and things I had been thinking about a lot, so it's not surprising that they were so real, just still very freaky.

We have one night of shopping left to do tonight. Every year I say I'm not buying my siblings any gifts, and then every year 3-4 days before Christmas I feel like shit for not getting them anything, even if I haven't received even a card from them. One sister did in fact send gifts, a surprise considering we haven't talked more than "hi" in over 6 years. The two youngest sent me a card which was very sweet. The two older than them I haven't heard from and doubt I will. My oldest sister will strangle me if I buy her or my nephew something, so I have promised not to, although I did get my Grandmother something. My mother, I have still stuck to my guns to not get anything, and so far nothing has arrived from her except for the kids and a Christmas ornament for Mr. M and I that says First Christmas 2005 - um, hey Ma? It's our second Christmas, but thanks!

I hope everyone has a great HOLIDAY season, not sure how much I'll be writing over the next couple of weeks, but I'm certainly thinking of all of you.....

A note from the Princess

Dear Mommy-

I love you mom! I missed you this weekend. We went to a play with our grandma and pop-pop. We went to see Jessica there, who I never get to see for a very long time. We had fun. I had two slices of chocolate cake and seven cookies (!) (editor's note) with my cake. At the play the pipes were broken, so we got two BIG free cookies and a little chocolate milk while we waited. Have a Merry Christmas Mom.

Love, Princess


This was in my e-mail box this morning as they went to the grandparents this weekend for a play and party. She is the sweetest little girl who writes the absolute best letters to everyone. She wrote one to my uncle after I went to visit him, and writes thank you cards for everything. I can't wait to see her face on Christmas morning when she opens up her own personal stationary set that she can create personalized cards with cool little accessories.....

Happy fucking holidays

What is with everyone getting annoyed at people who use the phrase Happy Holidays rather than Merry Christmas? I've been seeing this more and more, from the young and old, and even in professional circles where people have literally gone off on others because they signed an e-mail with Happy Holidays. Ugh.

I understand most people who are annoyed at this are Christian, and that's what gets me. Christians are SUPPOSED to be tolerant of other people. Isn't that what Christ's entire teachings were about? Whether they had accepted God, or whether they were poor, or lepers, or fucking prostitutes, HE ACCEPTED THEM. Now what are Christians doing? They are saying things like they won't shop at places that say Happy Holidays rather than Merry Christmas. WTF? What about your neighbors who are Jewish, Muslim, African American? Are we supposed to exclude them, or should every store owner say Merry Christmas, Happy Hannukah, Happy Ramadan, Happy Kwanzaa in one breath? How can you as a Christian sit back and judge someone for saying Happy Holidays, MAYBE THEY ARE JEWISH and they are simply trying to respect YOUR beliefs in Christ! You don't know their religious affiliation, and yet you want to FORCE your beliefs on them. That's not very Christian like. By saying Happy Holidays they are TRYING TO INCLUDE everyone, and that's what the holidays, and Christmas, are supposed to be about, not about forcing your beliefs onto others and excluding them because they don't believe in the same things as you. Get a fucking grip people. No one is forcing YOU to exclude Christ in YOUR celebration of Christmas, that's up to you. But you can't force Christ into everyone else's celebration. And churches wonder why they are losing members at an alarming rate.....

Let me just say

Reese Witherspoon could totally be my best friend. Along with Julia Roberts and Hugh Grant. But especially Reese.....

Let me gum you to death

Mr. M has been on vacation since Thursday, which has been nice, he has two more days, and we have nothing scheduled except having him possibly finish the master bath which we started, oh, like 4 months ago. He's been the perfect partner, standing idly by as I get used to my plastic mouth, from having the need to brush my teeth fifteen times a day, to relearning how to kiss and give blows, he's been a willing experimental model, and all around wonderful man, as always.

In other news, I finally closed on the fourplex last Wednesday. Their attorneys took FOREVER, as a matter of fact, until 2 hours before the end of the contract. At 3pm I finally got the paperwork, which had to be notarized at a bank 25 minutes away, and then mailed at the post office which is 15 minutes from there, and I had to pick the kids up at the bus stop at 4pm. In the midst of all that, my printer stopped working, so I had to add in a trip to Mr. M's office to pick up copies of the files that I e-mailed to him quickly. I called the school quickly and made sure the kids didn't get on the bus, and drove 80mph to get them when scholl closed. From there I picked up the papers and went to the bank for the cashiers check and notarization - where guess what? THE NOTARY HAD ALREADY LEFT! The only other branch that had one was 20 minutes away, it was 4:30 at this point. So we got back in the car and headed over to a different bank across the street, which had closed at 4pm, I was livid at this point. So we drove all the way into the city, got it notarized, and then prayed together to make it to the post office. We did, with 30 seconds to spare. Oh yea, I had also left the closing companies address at home and had to have Mr. M look it up online so I could overnight the signed contract. Duh. I also left the fireplace on when I left in such a hurry. I was just glad to come home to my house still standing.

The kids are running on a one hour delay for school tomorrow, not sure why. They had off Friday, but still made it to their doctors appointment thankfully. If I get a chance tomorrow I'll update everyone on the continuing Thanksgiving Day nightmare. It's amazing when I begin to actually think my family has class.....

Why I love Mr. M

Because he walks out onto the front porch in 30 degree weather...naked...just to make me smile.....

That shut me up

I spent yesterday in constant motion. Mr. M woke me up late, so I showered quickly, made him feed the kids breakfast, got the Princess off to the bus stop and then started the 3.5 hour drive to my hometown, leaving the Prince with Mr. M. I arrived in PA at noon, stopped at the hospital and caught up with the entire family. My uncle was doing a little better, they had already moved him to ICU and are now considering moving him back upstairs. The bleeding stopped and he is now receiving nourishment, but the dialysis continues and they are still unable to repair the tear in his esophagus. He was somewhat more awake yesterday, able to write a few things on a notepad, asking where he was and asking for the TV to be turned off. He made the appropriate nodding motions when told things like someone wished him well and waving when saying goodbye. After two hours, and one 1000 piece puzzle there, I had to head to my orthodontist appointment.

I chose to have Invisiline done, even though everyone, including the entire staff there, continues to ask me why. The template procedure was a nightmare, having to spend an entire 20 minutes with absolutely no moisture in my mouth. They finally got the concrete anchors attached to my teeth - yea they feel great let me tell you - and popped on the first set of molds. My sister couldn't wait to hear me talking with a lisp and called shortly after they finished everything. It was very hard to talk, but what is worse is the way my tongue now feels as it's being cut along the edges, and the way I had to apologize to the entire country club task force for spitting all over the place last night during our meeting, which took place after another 3.5 hours of driving to get home.

Mr. M was kind enough to make me soup after the meeting and keep me occupied with swallowing large amounts of Ibuprofen. I tried and succeeded in eating an english muffin sandwich this morning while being completely annoyed at the amount of food getting stuck to the cement in my mouth. I can't imagine having to deal with regular metal braces on a daily basis, and I have the utmost respect for those of you that went through that ordeal for years in your younger lives. At this point, I plan on being on a liquid diet and not speaking for a month. I imagine that will make a lot of people happy, except for you guys since this in no way affects my blogging ability, other than developing the habit of possibly posting each peice of food I find lodged in the cement. Today the menu consists of egg, cheese and bacon. Enjoy your meal.....

I should just keep my mouth shut, but it couldn't get any worse

Wanna know how this week is going? Trust me, you don't.

Monday: We get the custody report back. It's bad, very, very bad. As in, if a woman says the Dad is an alcoholic and drug addict, he IS. It's that simple. NO proof needed. Nevermind the fact that she says he picks up the kids after drinking, and SHE LET'S HIM TAKE THEM ON A FOUR HOUR DRIVE. Does that make sense? DOES THAT MAKE SENSE TO ANYONE? It's pretty clear it's either a) a complete fucking lie, or b) she's the worst fucking mother in the world for allowing her drunk ex-husband to take her children when he has to drive 4 fucking hours. I'm going with option a, and I'll let the attorney nail her on the stand with option b.

Monday night directly after reading the report: I return my grandmothers call to find out my uncle is in the hospital again. He has a very long history of beating cancer, skin, throat, etc. He had his voicebox taken out over 15 years ago, but his esophagus has been closing on him lately, to where he can't even swallow broth. So they decided to try to stretch it out each week for the last 7 weeks. Well they punctured it in one spot and it became infected. And then his kidneys failed. So he's drugged out, on dialysis, and can't receive food until at least tomorrow, and it's been 4 days. He's starving to death and there is nothing they can do apparently. They already have a g-tube inserted for feedings, but for some reason which my grandmother couldn't explain they couldn't use it for 2-3 days. He's hallucinating - he makes the physical motions that he is cutting the skin off his leg with a knife and fork and then brings up "pieces" to his mouth and begins chewing them. On top of that, his wife has had major dimentia issues in recent years and has an increased speech problem that my sister and I noticed two weeks ago, so she can't be left alone. So family members have been taking turns staying with her at their house and my uncle at the hospital. This is my grandmothers only brother, and it's hitting her hard.

I lucked out in several ways. On Monday afternoon I had made an appt at the orthodontist on Thur afternoon and so I was already coming to town. I'll have 2 hours with the family, but then I have to come right back home because I have a meeting Thur night and the kids have a doctors appt on Fri morning. Mr. M was already scheduled for vacation on Friday, which is good because I have a client in the afternoon and need him to pick up the kids, and he already planned on calling off Thur for a doctors appt, so he'll be doing pickups for the kids all day while I'm in PA. Which reminds me, I need to write all that info down for him. I hope everyone else is having a better week. Oh, and cross your fingers for Mr. M's appointment, he definitely doesn't need any more bad news on that front.

Tuesday: We get a call from Mr. M's brother who just announced on Thanksgiving that he and his wife were expecting their second child. His wife had a miscarriage.

Wednesday: I'm sleeping, and not answering the phone. I don't need anymore bad news.....

Cheap ass motherfucker

Yesterday was Nanny Sarah's last day. Yes, that's her real name. Sarah. She was with us for three years. The torture we went through to find her is on par with a ten year sentence in a Turkish prison. We refuse to go through such an ordeal again. Our options came down to locking our children in the (nonexistent) basement to watch reruns of Schoolhouse Rock, bombing the bus from the local church enroute to the school so that the waiting list was suddenly much shorter, or cutting 80 hours out of my work schedule so that I could make the 3 bus runs each day. That's 20 hours a week. While I'm grateful to have that time with my children, I had to worry if they would be living in a car by the end of the school year. And so I brought up the issue of the STBEH paying ME childcare fees during his weeks. That was fun.

What he had to understand was that I'm not responsible for his weeks and the fact that he has to drive 75 miles each way to work because he's too fucking lazy to have looked for a different job in the last three fucking years we've fucking lived here and he's complained about the drive. There, I said it. Negotiations went something like this:

Queen: I think 75% of what you were paying Nanny Sarah is more than reasonable considering I'm losing 40 hours of work on your weeks, plus feeding the kids and making 4 additional car trips a day (because of course he wanted me to drive them to his house at night, ass.)
STBEH: I think I can handle 40% of what I was paying her. I don't have the money.

OKAY WHERE THE FUCK DID THE MONEY GO? He was going to pay her through the end of the summer, and suddenly the money is gone? He's not taking a fucking paycut, like I AM. No, I'm the one making HIS fucking life easy. Then he fucking drops the bomb.

STBEH: And I want to go to the gym three times a week and I want you to watch them while I'm there after work.

My head is now spinning. Okay so you want to pay me less than half what you were paying her, I'm covering more of your hours than she was, in fact he'd see the kids a whole 30 minutes before they went to bed, AND I have to pay for the extra food and the gas? ARE YOU FUCKING NUTS? This from a man who pays NO child support, and has a surgery coming up where I will have the kids a full month with no help. Of course I'm just expected to drop my life to cover his ass. Of course I'm not surprised by any of this, this is what our marriage was like.

Okay, so negotiations continue and he finally agrees on about %60 of her pay, which is still bullshit. The next day I get an e-mail. He wants me to "think about" switching our weeks. Why? Because his new girlfriend has her boy on opposite weeks as him, so they can't go out on dates. Wanna guess how many times he's seen this chick? ONCE. One fucking date and he wants me to change my schedule for him? MAYBE if it was a serious relationship. BUT, if we changed weeks, then Mr. M's and I's schedule would be all fucked up and our kids would never be together and we'd NEVER have a single day or night to ourselves. That means NO dates for us. Unless we convince psycho Mom to switch weeks with us, and we all know what that conversation would be like. Oh yea, and guess where new girlfriend works? At his company, so I guess that resume still isn't getting updated.....