Updates and whatnot

Closing is set for Friday, finafuckingly.

My uncle died today. He was moved to the nursing home on Monday. My niece is scheduled for her surgery on Friday and my uncle predicted he "wouldn't be here" then. He was right. My grandmother didn't cry on the phone, but I know she will when she's alone tonight.

Their dog is also back in the hospital.

Hopefully the funeral will take place on Monday so I can attend.

Right now, I want rainbows and sunshine. And sex, maybe sex.

Mr. M and I had a blast tonight at Gourmet Girlfriends. I will n.e.v.e.r cook again.

I cannot respond to comments for some reason, but I am reading I swear.....

The odds are

I'm smart, but not generally useless facts smart. I will not win that stupid trivial pursuits game, I will never, ever be a contestant on Jeopardy. Did I even spell it right? Who knows. Generally I change the channel when it comes on, but tonight I was too busy giving Mr. M an unexpected blow job. And wouldn't you know it, I knew EVERY FUCKING QUESTION that had. It was scary. Here I am kneeling on the floor, giving him all I had, and we are BOTH yelling out answers to 20 different questions. All of them right. In a row. This just doesn't happen folks.....

Sainthood

I love my children's school projects. Almost every day they bring something home made especially for me, and most of them end up in a chest in the garage, with the special ones going on the shelf in our MB closet. The really large things I try to push off onto Dad. And so sometimes I don't read those things closely. Today I was at STBEH's home and going through the Prince's bedroom. One thing sent home to Dad's was this very large peice of notebook paper, it's probably 3x4 ft, and it is now hanging in his room. Apparently I didn't pay attention when he read it to me, since it's the normal things like his favorite color, favorite teacher, etc. Number 5 however must have really made his teacher think:

5. I have two pets, a dog and a dead fish.

That dead fish is going to haunt me forever.


In other news, both made honor roll again. Not the dog and dead fish. I mean the Prince and Princess. The Princess had a note that she often worries about other people's problems rather than concentrating on her own work. LOL We could have told them that years ago.....

Reviews

Hustle and Flow - If you haven't seen this movie, stop right now, and go get it. The charactor development is a.m.a.z.i.n.g.

Flyers - We made it to our only game this year on Saturday, and I think we chose THE game to attend. It was fucking awesome. Four goals in 9 minutes, the first one only 35 seconds into the game. They rocked. Of course having alone time, okay with 19,000 other people, with Mr. M was fabulous as well. And of course we always feel a connection with the Wachovia Center for first date reasons. He's still just as hot as he was that night almost two years ago.

Cooking - This one might be a bit premature, but I'm going forward anyway. I hate cooking. Hate it. Everyone gets stuck in a dinner rut where you have the same things every week. Especially when you have kids. It's too time consuming to look up new meals that everyone will eat, find time to buy all the ingredients and then set aside a full hour or two to make them each night. Luckily, there are now several new franchises that do this work for us! And one just opened up here. Gourmet Girlfriends plans 14 different meals each month, they shop, chop, dice, and spell out cooking directions. All I do is set aside 2 hours one night a month to go over and put all the ingredients together in a pan or ziplock baggie, and then I just take it out of the freezer and cook it! I'm so fucking excited about this it's scary. Wednesday night, Mr. M and I will be making such fabulous delights as cashew chicken, white lightning chili, crusted beef tenderloin, fiesta pork tenderloin,
saucy greek chicken, spinach stuffed pork tenderloin, stuffed chicken italiano, tipsy sausage rigatoni, and zesty shrimp creole. Now all we have to do is finish eating everything in both freezers so we have room to put it all.....

Shush

I used to worry about the Prince, he was quiet. Of course he didn't have to talk because the Princess did all the talking for him. One day it changed, he just looked at her and said, hey, I can answer for myself. He hasn't shut up since then. In the time it takes to get to the bus stop he usually covers about 15 topics, and we then have a 7 minute wait for the bus to arrive. About this time I usually tune out and just nod my head. So, by the time my brain focused yesterday, this was where he was in the conversation:

Hammerhead, it's like the Hammerhead shark, that's a long name. George Washington is long too, but it's not like Hammerhead Lincoln.

Huh? Did I hear the right?

Hammerhead? Lincoln? I think you mean Abraham.

Abr...aa...ham?

Yes, Abraham. Or you can just try Abe. Abe Lincoln.

Nah, I don't like that, I like Hammerhead.....

Fingers are still crossed

I swear I will get to what the businesses are, but at this point I'm still calling and bitching people out about the process, and getting nowhere. This week I've laughed my ass off, about the final contract that my 6 yr old could have written and my attorney could have read in 25.7 seconds if I bothered to send it to him so that he could bill me a full 10 minutes, and wanted to cry my eyes out over pushing people to JUST GET IT THE FUCK DONE. What are we waiting on you ask? The new CFO of the corporate headquarters who KEEPS TAKING DAYS OFF so he can't do the final interview and approval. It's finally scheduled for 9am tomorrow, and THAT SHOULD BE IT! Done. Finita. End of story. Yea, I know something is going to happen, and then I'm just gonna have to freak on some people because this was supposed to close March fucking TENTH.

So there's that. And then there's my uncle who is still in the hospital, paralyzed now, and they had a meeting with the doctors and I'm afraid to call my grandmother to see what they said, because she's gonna cry about not only my uncle but their dog that had to have surgery on Monday with no final word on cost other than $200 just for the blood transfusion and we just bought her a new stove and there is no way they can afford this vet bill. Ugh. My neice has her surgery finally scheduled for next week, so my sister and family are preparing for a week long stay at the hospital where they will literally be camping out in the waiting room so she can continue to be breastfed and of course be with her everyday. And I wish I could be there but I can't because the STBEH still hasn't found a new job and so I have three bus stops a day with the kids and it's making me want to push up the homeschooling schedule. Oh, have I mentioned that?

Yea, I've wanted to homeschool my kids once they hit about middle school, because I can do a much better job, and they would actually continue to learn rather than get bored with menial shit. But, lately, I've been thinking of making the transition after next year. For one, it would be awesome, they love learning and there are so many things we could do that they would never get to learn in school. Two, they would be able to do all the stuff we can't fit in now, like back into dance lessons, piano, violin, all the museums we want to do, etc, that we just can't fit into on weekends and after school because we live in the middle of nowhere. Plus they could learn things they actually CHOOSE to study, like right now, my daughter is actually teaching herself the recorder and reading music. It's awesome watching her. And let's face it, scheduling would be so much fucking easier. Need to be in PA? No problem! Need to be in VA? No problem! Have a funeral? Here we come! Someone is sick and needs help? Be right fucking there. I hate this being tied down shit when my family is in crisis. Hate.it.....

Much ado about nothing

It feels like forever since I've written anything of substance, and that's because I have no time to even think of substance let alone have a problem with substance. We spent the extended weekend in NJ with Momma M. We had taken the time off to officially open the business, however, we are just now closing, so that will happen this weekend. That meant we actually had the weekend to visit friends and do whatever we wanted. Which apparently was a lot of drinking. We ended up spending the night with some friends after we finished a bottle a wine (after our dinner with martini's and wine), several buttery nipples, opened the liter of Vodka, and case of beer. I have no idea how I wasn't falling over. We played pool for about 4 hours, and I was still wearing 3 inch heels. We had to sleep in a single bed. Together. It was like a college nightmare all over again. The one where you are so turned on, but you can't move or make a noise because your roommate is asleep in the bunk bed above you. The night was actually fun until I woke up in the morning and my entire body hurt from sleeping in one position all night long.

Since we got back in town it's been non-stop business. I have a to do list a mile long, and nothing interesting to say here. Once we are set up I'm sure I'll have more to talk about, and hopefully, more time in which to say it.....

List #1

1. The Princess on our two mile walk over the gorgeous weekend: "Wow, look at this view (of the lake), and man they are building a house here and blocking it from everyone! That's wrong!" LMAO. That's what happens kiddo, it's now their view only.

2. The Prince reading his new book he made: "This is my journal mom, see girls have diarrheas, and boys have journals." I held it together on the outside.

3. The worst sound in the world: My grandmother crying. My uncle is back in the hospital after his two month stay over Christmas. It doesn't look good.

4. The best feeling in the world: Being able to buy a new stove for my grandmother when her's died last week. Even if money is tight here.

5. I'm so ready for summer and built in bra tank tops. I know, some of you hate them, but for those of us with practically no boobs, it's heaven.....

Rant # 1536

Gas stations. They are a necessity. One that I'm lucky enough to not have to frequent all that often. Of course when it's cold out, I try to go as far as possible before I have to get out in 15 degree weather. It was finally warm this week and my light had just come on, so I drove over to the Shell station. I hate the Shell station. It's a combination fruit stand/collectibles/gas station/lunch stop/post office. There are only 4 gas pumps, and no other gas station for miles. We are in the middle of nowhere between Virginia and West Virginia, so of course everyone who pulls in there is a hick. Hicks apparently don't know what a fucking debit card is, or anything about manners. First of all, there is one pump out of order, so there are only three. All three of those are 3 cars deep, and 2 out of 3 of the cars at the pumps are DONE pumping. But where are the drivers? They are inside, eating lunch, taking a shit, and buying cigarettes of course. Let me give you a clue. If you are DONE pumping gas, MOVE YOUR FUCKING CAR. Don't make a huge show of LOCKING YOUR FUCKING CAR, a 1988 piece of shit, and then WALKING .2 miles a FUCKING HOUR into the fucking store. I waited TEN FUCKING MINUTES for a pump, and I'm not exaggerating a fucking second. I finally get to a pump after the 300 lb man returns to his car with mustard all over him from shoving a 3 ft sub down his throat, and it takes exactly FOUR MINUTES for the gas to be pumped into my car. My tank is only 13 gallons and there were 2 gallons left. Dispicable.....

I just pissed on myself

Urine tests are always oh so fucking easy for women. I've been drinking water like I'm being sent to desert storm for 4 months with just an apple and a fruit box. The nurse calls saying she's on her way, so I decide to try to hold it in and just do the urine cup psycho survivor challenge as soon as she gets here, but alas I can't make it because she gets lost. So I defile the downstairs bathroom and begin another bottle of water so I can work something up for the end of the exam. I finally have the little dixie cup in hand and head to the bathroom. I pull my pants all the way down, it's the only way to spread your legs far enough to reach in with the cup. The stream starts to flow, it's hitting the target, but then, the wind changes and it starts flowing on my hand. I stop mid-stream and reposition, only to find that I have filled the entire cup and it's now flowing out the back. The only way to get the cup safely out of my crotch, is to dump some. This can only lead to one thing. Yep. I drop the entire dixie cup in the toilet and it is now floating, emptied of it's contents, and completely submerged. I can't run to get something to retrieve it without running into the nurse, so I'm left with fishing it out with my barehand, repositioning and praying to the urine Gods to allow my bladder to still have something left.


But hey! At least my BP was normal.....

Can we change the calendaring system

Cuz there are just NOT enough days in the month. Seriously, I'm screwed, we're screwed. On top of the normal Philly trips, we have a couple of unplanned Philly trips coming up, most notably the custody trial. Then we somehow have to plan a trip to Fort Lauderdale for some training for a WEEK. Normally I would be exfuckingcited about this. Really. It's 25 degrees here. Florida sounds fucking great. But of course I have no help with the kids since I have one in only half days and the ex husband is of about as much help as a dirty sock. So either I take them out of school and ship them to my mother for a week, the ex takes a weeks vacation at my sayso, hahahaha, or, well, we have no other options. I then have to somehow schedule in a trip to my orthodontist, 3.5 hours away, another day away from school for the kids unless someone else steps up. Ha. Ha. I also missed my regular dentist appointment just because I'm a complete dumbass who didn't open her planner and see that it was Tuesday rather than Wednesday like I thought it was. There is a REASON I have a planner. I never know what day it is, for real. I've missed planes. Time I can handle, but dates, forget it.

Yes, I'm fucking boring lately, I know. I'll leave you with this conversation between Mr. M and I...


Q: (standing behide him cupping his ass) God I love your ass. I'm having it stuffed when you die.
M: You want my ass stuffed? I'll have it mounted for you.
Q: Yea, you want your ass mounted don't you?

Hehe.....

Update, updates

The past week went so fast. We spent the weekend in Sea Isle at the beach house, it was FREEZING! I think we lasted about ten minutes standing on the beach while the kids found a bazillion shells and crab pieces they wanted to keep. What is with kids wanting to keep parts of dead animals? It's icky!

This week is my "week off" where I'm not supposed to have clients, hah, as if. I ended up working all day Monday, even had to take the Princess with me for about 20 minutes, luckily the builder didn't have a problem with her being there and the STBEH got her rather quickly. Of course that was after he called to say he was leaving to get her at the bus stop so I didn't have to do it. The only problem was, I was already at the bus stop since the Princess was getting dropped off in oh like 30 seconds, lmao, and he was still 20 minutes away. He was a little confused that day. Then I ran around all week getting the odds and ends done, like signing my rights away to the STBEH's retirement accounts, FINALLY rescheduling the life insurance physical, ordering the new health insurance, and of course restocking the vodka supply. At least my priorities are straight.

Mr. M had his skin cancer surgery Friday which went really well. He will likely have a scar under his eye, but it just adds to his rugged good looks ;) Unfortunately he also got an eye infection over the weekend, so he looks a bit haggard, and kinda evil at the moment, lol, still adorable though.

We got BOTH business proposals accepted! ACK! Did I say ack? ACCCKKKKK!!!!! One will be closing like, um, NEXT FUCKING WEEK. And the other will be closing sometime close to June. This means our life is about to get hectic. Did I say hectic? LMAO. Okay it's about to get mother fucking nuts. We will be spending every single weekend in Philly until the kids are out of school, then we will be starting our new life, with a ghetto fabulous loft in the city where we will spend every.other.week. Two houses, four kids, four businesses, one psycho ex wife, one ex husband on his own for the first time, and two people who are in love. Think we'll make it?

We are also trying to decide on where we want to go for vacation. Our choices are London, Ireland, and Italy. I've done London, Mr. M has done Ireland, and neither of us has done Italy, but we plan on getting married there, in ten years, so we know we will make it there eventually. What I really want right now is a really hip traveling couple to go with us. I finally found my perfect traveling partner, Shannon, and then she up and got pregnant and had an adorable little girl. So much for traveling the globe, even though we will be getting together for a girls weekend in the fall to congratulate ourselves on business accomplishments! I can't fucking wait, a spa weekend in Arizona with my favorite womens. Anyway, I spent the past couple of days looking at apartments around the Coliseum, and dreaming of having friends who actually like to travel and are willing to leave their kids for a week. Ah, someday, at least I have Mr. M the Road Warrior.....

Overheard in the mcmansion

Are you trying to make me gay? I cannot braid your hair while watching Project Runway.....