The Magical Vagina

ME: Have you ever thought about the magic of the vagina?
HIM: What?
ME: Well, like it fits your finger and it's nice and tight, but then it fits your cock too, which is a LOT bigger, and then, hell, it fits a baby's head and whole body!
HIM: Um, do you want me to keep this boner?

WOOHOO, we made it to the last day of nagoblomeyoufuckingassmonth! Yippeeeee!

Real winners do the math

Well obviously I suck. So much for nagoblowmemonth. Last night Mr. M and I had it out. No details, ha! However, as I was taking the kids to the bus stop this morning, the Princess says to me: "Are you still going to be with Mr. M?" UGH. I replied in the affirmative, and then she asked a specific question about our fight last night. Unfortunately her bedroom door is very close to the living room due to the open floor plan upstairs, so she can hear everything. Mr. M and I have agreed to "argue" in the garage from now on, no matter how cold it is, YIPPEE!

This evening the kids asked to go over to the neighbors house, and since I knew her parents weren't home yet, I said no. So they decided to play outside. When the Prince came back in he told us about the "boys" they had invited over. Ah crap, it's starting already. It's quite amusing listening to my neighbors daughter who is 10, talk about the boys she thinks are cute, and all the ones that have asked her out this year, as we are driving to school, but it's not so amusing, when I know they are playing with my own daughter. So we had a no kissing talk during dinner. Luckily the Princess is still loyal to her boyfriend of 4 years now, yes, since kindergarten, and there is no kissing going on there.

Also, the Princess made me feel great on Monday. When she came home she grabbed the extra button and the button that had already fallen off her new jacket. I had been meaning to ask our neighbor for red thread since she sews and I only have white, but hadn't gotten it yet. The Princess informs me that Ms. Soandso at school will fix her jacket for her if she brings in the buttons. Wow. And she did! I am a real winner.....

Who died in this bathroom?

Yesterday was one of the longest days of the year for us. Mr. M had been visiting the Porcelain God all night and since the bathroom shares a (very thin) wall with our bedroom here at the cottage, I had a ring side seat whether I wanted it or not. Mr. M scrapped his plans to make our normal large weekend breakfast, set the kids up with cereal and came back to bed where we stayed until noon. We showered eventually, had some lunch and then I had to get out of the house, so we visited a consignment shop and a couple of other little places. We were home before 4, ordered Papa Johns, and by 7pm, it felt like it was midnight.

Today we are simply heading home to VA and then we have a date at the neighbors who has friends visiting. We'll pick up the kids, head over for drinks, and then crash early again. Sorry I don't have much else to blog about, it's kind of boring here right now.....

Warm thoughts

Happy belated Thanksgiving! I truly did tell Mr. M to post yesterday, but he failed me. I still love him though. No REALLY! I DO! Our dinner was much better than Thankschilling 2005 and for that I'm thankful. Although, I did slip in a f'ing whore in my "what are you thankful for" speech. Luckily the people that would have been really offended were at the other table, the uncool table, the old folks table. You get it. We were having a blast and no one was overly serious, though I did get a lot of "awww he is so sweet" comments about Mr. M's answer. While I appreciate everything he said, I hope he knows what an amazing partner he is as well. We couldn't have made it through the past 3 years without each other, whether that means we are madly in love or just fucking crazy, I don't know and I don't want to know.

I had a blast with my favorite pseudo-SIL as always. I also had a great time taking care of all the babies, omg, sooo freaking cute. I think I have entrenched myself in as a back up babysitter which would be awesome. All the fun and none of the worry of having our own!

Today we slept in and have been desperately trying to avoid the superdooperfanfabulastic sales on TV's that Mr. M is drooling over. I did some shopping online and am trying to stay warm as the weather went from a perfect 70 yesterday to 45 today. Winter, it is here.....

My white knight

Mr. M has been very helpful, after the first day anyway, with my ankle. He has left me bags of ice, helped me out of the car and more. For a little preview, here is what my ankle looks like 5 days later. It's hard to see in this light, but the blue marks are not shadows, it's old blood inside my skin covering about 50% of my foot. Yummy. I've been able to keep it elevated when needed this week and have only suffered when having to drive between homes or to take a much needed shower.

Today however I had to pick up the boys since aftercare ended early due to Thanksgiving. It's impossible to drive with my right foot, and of course not much easier to drive with a left foot in an automatic. Typically it's a 15-20 minute drive to the school, but thanks to the holiday it was an easy 50 minute ride home. Of course I really needed to get out of the house after 5 days so I took a quick stop into Target beforehand as well. Which means all the blood in my right leg was deposited into my foot. By the time I got home I could barely walk. Mr. M was again, very helpful. He refilled my bag of ice, brought me my dinner, even relaxed on the couch with me.

Much to my surprise, I asked him if he had any of his Pepsi left "before I walk all the way around the couch to take a sip?" He replied in the affirmative, and so I walked, all.the.way.around.the.couch. And? It was empty. And? He knew it. He smiled at me. Motherfucker. It's on.....

Don't do anything I wouldn't do

Yesterday was our bi-annual visit from Mr. M's Mom for the sole purpose of babysitting the boys. That sounds worse than it is, she is always happy to watch them when we visit her, but it's nice to have someone watch your children in your own home so that you can enjoy a night out on the town.

Those of you that know me in person, know that I can usually whoop it up until the next morning, but let's remember we are in Bucks County, not New Orleans, London, or the always popular Vegas trips, so our options were limited to begin with, and HELLO IT WAS A SCHOOL NIGHT! Ahem. We made it to....drumroll please...........


















8:53PM.

Yea. Way to use our time well huh? We came home to the kids in bed, and soon thereafter went to bed ourselves. Gosh I love being an adult.....

Let's Get Physical (Or... What Happens When You Play Games Like a 10-Year Old)

So, I excitedly scheduled my first physical in 3-years today, and I was looking forward to having my anal orifice penetrated by the fingers of the pretty PA. Alas, it was not to be, as I didn't have any of the symptoms usually prompting the penetrating digits of a professional physician. I considered offering her a fin just to check, but I didn't... I had too many other complaints.


At the urging of my neighbor, I volunteered to participate in old people sports, namely, flag-football at the local sports complex. It has a nice field with "Nexturf" - excellent for some old-guy football. Only problem is, I haven't been keeping "in shape" since about mid-Summer, I tend not to stretch, and I tend to play ALL-OUT because I still believe myself to be pretty good when matched up against people within the "general vicinity" of my age... and perhaps a handful beyond that. It's a man-thing. We still believe we have the unlimited flexibility that we had in our pre-teen years. Or, perhaps not, but for those fleeting couple of hours when you get to relive the childhood glory of street-ball, you forget that you really don't.


I did warm-up... sort of. I ran a few patterns (I play receiver on offense and defensive back on the D). Catch and throw for a bit. Nothing special nor specific. Most importantly, with WC and the kids there as fans, I was ready to show-off!


Earlier in the week, I felt a slight "twinge" in the top of my thigh standing up from a crouching position after helping one of the kids with something. I didn't give it much of a thought and after that day, it really didn't bother me so much.


I had a really good game with a couple of interceptions and played primarily defense, because our crapass team needs good defense. I was playing "right cornerback" but I tend to keep a watchful eye on everything. On one particular play, most of the other team was drifting towards the left and I saw the QB rear back to throw a long pass - the left cornerback was beat and I knew it before the ball even left the QBs hand and was starting a full sprint to cut off the receiver's angle to the endzone. He caught the ball as I was closing in and just as I launched into a Superman dive to rip the flag away from his hip about 2-yards before he would have scored - I felt like something had set my right thigh ablaze! I prevented the touchdown and made no noise nor did I grimace in pain. I just got up, tossed the flag down, and trotted back to my position to continue playing. Why? I'm a guy! I may not be getting paid for this. I may not win a trophy. I may have problems walking in a few hours, but damn it - I'm out PLAYING! That's worth it's weight in gold!

So together, gimpy with her screwed up swollen foot, and me, with my ever-stiffening right leg, go home, pack up, and drive 4 hours back to our place in Pennsylvania. By bedtime last night, it hurt to straighten my leg. This morning, it was almost excruciatingly painful to do so. Sitting was the perfect position for me.

At the doctor's office, I'm told that I have a "severely strained quadriceps." Absent any bruising, she believes that it isn't torn. I need to apply heat periodically to it and work carefully to stretch it enough to keep it loose. I should take some ibuprofen before bed to help with the pain. I'm also not supposed to play football for 2-weeks (minimum). At first, I thought to myself "I'm a man. I also paid $70 to play a little more than half the games and for a jersey. I'm an athlete. I need to tough this out. I can play."

It's a nice thought, but more powerful was the caveat offered by the doctor: "Listen, it's severely strained. You're having a tough time trying to straighten your leg. I'm warning you - if you play Sunday and it tears, you'll experience pain like you can't imagine right now and you know how much it hurts today, right? Your recovery period will be a lot longer than 2-weeks."

But the season will be OVER by then! I just started to impress these guys! But I'll monitor the situation with my imaginary training staff and probably be a gametime decision on Sunday. Of course, I know how horribly it hurt playing this past Sunday and how it feels right now after doing so. Perhaps I'll just do the right thing and listen to my doctor.

Between the two of us, we're down to 2 good wheels out of 4. Gimpy and Cripple-Foot.

When life kicks you in the ass and then trips you for good measure

We finally got to enjoy a weekend at home, no traveling necessary, no corporate events, no clubhouse events, nothing. I did a wine tasting and when I got home the Princess asked to spend the night at a neighbors. Once we were squared away we invited the neighbors over to share in the goodness that is wine. Otherwise we had to finish 5 bottles ourselves, not saying that's not possible, but I wanted to be able to walk the next morning. Unfortunately life had other plans for me.

Since it gets dark at like 3pm now, I drove the Princess 5 houses away and started walking her up to the door. For some reason, a lot of builders in our area prefer to lay stupid ass stone blocks instead of sidewalks, and they place them precariously far away from each other. I thought I had my gait down right, and then, WHAM! My ankle, knee, wrist and almost face, met the next stepping stone. Fabulous. I assured the neighbor I was fine, the Princess helped me up and I returned home with a slight limp. That slight limp turned into a swollen broken mess by 3am. After dealing with pain until 5, I finally crawled downstairs, slammed Ibu's and made it as far as the couch. I hobbled into the Sportsplex to watch Mr. M and our neighbor play flag football and then spent 4 hours in the car. After that I couldn't even fit my foot in my shoe and have been on ice and Ibu. I'm hoping it will be slightly better tomorrow before deciding to go to the doctor since I don't have one in this state. And then I plan on giving life a swift kick back.....

Me smell pretty one day

Lucky you I just realized I haven't posted yet today! I'm still in my pajamas, so is Mr. M, but at least I showered. I woke up at my normal 7:20 to get the kids up and fed and out the door. About a week before school started, our neighbor behind us called asking if I knew any babysitters that are able to drive to the bus stop. We live in the middle of nowhere, and a babysitter is worth the weight of their house in gold. One that can drive? Ha! They all have the maximum amount of kids possible, because there is only ONE daycare within 15 miles and they have a 2 year waiting list, and they simply don't make cars that big or enough Tylenol to handle getting that many kids into a car two times a day. As it turns out, we both have our children the same weeks, so we decided to carpool since she only works 2 days during the weeks she has her daughter. So, she drives 2 days, I drive 2 days and then she drops off and I pick up on the last day of the week. That means I only drive 5 days a month. ROCK ON! So, after getting the kids out the back door, I promptly headed back to bed for a long nap since Mr. M kept me occupied last night rather late. Are you bored YET? Because I'M JUST GETTING STARTED!

Once I finally woke up, I showered, yea, I even washed with my favorite lavendar body wash. Let me just break this down for you. I HATE ALL scents except for Lavendar. We have lavendar everything. Even those horrible wall plug in fresheners. They are lavendar and chamomile, because chamomile is very light and not overpowering at ALL. Mr. M decides we need some of these things for the carriage house, but he gets a lovely scent which I labeled "Hawaiian Hineyhole." I plugged it in, and 5 minutes later almost puked my guts out all over the 9 inch pinewood floors. I unplugged it. We went back a week later. Mr. M decided to be a smartass and plug it in without telling me. As I sat down on the couch I looked at him, "WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT SMELL?" No you didn't. I immediately unplugged it and threw it out. Mr. M then proceeded to yell at me in Target when I wanted to buy the right fragrance because I had to buy the holder as well because it's from a different company. He wins and we buy one that is lavendar and vanilla. Mr. M calls and says "it smells like shit in here" last week before I had driven up there. HELLO! It's the vanilla! You CANNOT ruin the purity that is lavendar and expect to smell roses. Ah yes, so back to my shower.

Once I was cleaned and semi presentable, it was already time to pick the kids up as it was a half day. This means I pretty much got nothing done today. I have spent a lot of time over at BehindTheCounter.com reminding myself why I do not step foot into Walmart. Maybe they have cheaper lavendar wall plugins though....

Tea, it's not just a drink!

Mr. M and I used to be romantic. Well, as romantic as two people, who have 4 kids in two different states four hours away from each other, could be. We would invite each other on long walks, to a quick lunch on a stolen afternoon, and our favorite: a nice long hot bath in the jacuzzi with a try of crab dip and cheese, a movie and a bottle of wine/vodka/choice of hard liquor. This would of course ultimately lead to sex, for at least one of us, it was a win/win situation.

Last night Mr. M invited me out onto the porch while he smoked his nightly cigar. It was a beautiful night for a walk, and Mr. M reminded me that he thinks about asking me all the time, "really I do!" LMFAO. Wow, we suck at this lately. So tonight we filled the tub, sans movie and mind altering drugs, and shared some time together. We tried some new bath filler, in the form of a tea bag. I informed Mr. M the teabag bath was ready, "and then I'm going to teabag you, (hehe learing smile), wtf is teabagging anyway?" Mr. M broke something laughing.....

Are there no straight male designers?

Not on this show.

Queen: I love Seal's motto for life. Wanna hear it? "Happy wife. Happy life." Dig it.
Mr. M: Dig this (points to crotch)
Mr. M: Want some bacon?

A shared life

Mr. M and I don't fight much about household responsibilities. For the most part they are shared equally, though I'm sure sometimes we both wonder. For instance, I do all the dusting, vacuuming, bathroom cleaning, the largest part of the picking up, all the gardening, weeding, lawn care except for mowing. Mr. M takes care of the cooking, trash, mowing, and laundry. Typically I do the dishes, ie, putting them in the washer and washing the pans by hand, while he puts them all away. We both pick up after ourselves typically though we have our idiosyncracies. I always have a pile of clothes on my dresser, they are folded nicely, but they are always there. Mr. M always leaves empty things on the counter.

We didn't discuss these duties when we moved in together, they just kind of developed. We fought briefly over how to fold clothes, oh yea, that was fun. Then I left it up to him. I've never been much of a cook. I'll certainly do it when I'm by myself, we didn't starve before he came along, but I adore a man who will cook for me. I still cook my favorite meals and have no problem helping out. I'm quite anal about my floors and dusting, two things that most males typically don't even notice, and that's fine. Trash, well it's always been annoying in our neighborhood. We live in a gated community and yet we take our own trash to the compactor, which we pay for the privilege to do. Yea. Exactly.

Mr. M's comment on the last post: "What was ONCE about?" :twak: Asshat. Oh yea, he remembered right away. GO SEE IT.....

I'm buff

Holy shit, if I hear Paula Dean's voice one more time today I cannot be held liable for my actions.

The holiday season is upon us apparently. One client actually has their tree up already which made me think about putting our outside lights up today since it was gorgeous. However, I opted instead to wait until it's blistering cold, ie tomorrow when it's supposed to drop 30 degrees, motherfucking global warming my ass, so that I can complain while I'm doing it. Because really, Mr. M would forget all about me if I wasn't complaining.

Speaking of complaining, rent Raise the Red Lantern. Holy fuck, great movie. At first you think, wow, being part of a Harem, kinda not fun, but then, hey, having everything done for you and only having to have sex with the weird Master a couple of times a month or like never once he has a new concubine, kinda cool, but then you think about the jealous women in the concubine, and ah we're back to kinda not great. I won't give anything away, just GO NOW and rent it. Also if it's in a theatre near you, please go see Once. I will totally tell you that BOTH Mr. M and I were bawling our eyes out talking about this movie afterwards. It touched us both in so many ways.....

Changing the channel

Did I miss a day? How did I do that? Ah well, not much happened except driving home and being forced to listen to sports radio for 4 hours. I don't mind listening to a game. I really don't. But fucking hell, don't make me listen to all the bullshit before and after the game. I don't care what some lameass thinks will happen, and I surely can't give two shits about some idiot who hasn't been more active than asking his wife to get him another beer lament about what a player did wrong and what he should have done, and which coach they should get rid of and how the team would get to the Superbowl every year if they were in charge. Yea, shut the fuck up already.

Also, just a moment ago I remembered a gem from the Princess from last week. We were watching L&O and the father had tried to kill his son but ended up killing someone else. Of course he got caught and was going to jail. The Princess looked at me and said, "I guess that's a good thing about having a Stepfather. If your Dad goes to jail you still have a Dad."

Slap the Jackass

I've hit a streak of circumstances that has proven very frustrating. You go into a store looking for a particular part/product - in this case, automotive - and the dumbass representative behind the counter gives you the wrong part. Of course, you don't realize it until you go to install the part...

My phone rings on Wednesday evening, "Honey, I have a headlight out - please pick me one up for me when you get a chance." Sure thing, doll. Thursday, I pick it up at lunch. The lazyass in me just walks in, goes up to the counter and asks... "I need a lowbeam for X car, could you kindly tell me which one I need?" Sure thing Mister M. - it's #9006. Off to the rack I go, pick out a pair and head up to the counter. I inform the younger guy behind the counter that old guy told me 9006, but there is a 9006XA, 9006XS, several variations of 9006 - will this one work? Yep... that's what he tells me. It's the correct one.

Fast forward to this morning. It's light. It's cold. I have to scrape my paddle-hands stuffing them into the small area where I can wrest the halogen from it's housing. I'm bleeding. Still, I manage to get it out without leaving too much skin hanging on the other engine parts.

I break open the new pack. It's a pair - cheaper, and it's been so long since a headlight has been replaced on her car that I just figured I'd do them both at the same time and save me the trouble of having to do the other one somewhere shortly down the line. I disconnect the old bulb and start to try and jam the new bulb into the connector and it simply won't go.

You have got to be kidding, they've done it again, gave me the wrong fucking bulb. The old one has two channels, the ones they gave me only have a single channel. Oh, and looky there! The bulb I pulled out has "9005" stamped on it. Those stupid motherfucking lamebrained bastages at Autozone... they get it right about 50% of the time...

I open the front door and lay a mini-rant on Winechic: "Babe, the stupid old bastard at Autozone told me the wrong fucking pack of fucking fuck fucking headlights for your fucking car fuck. I'm fucking going to drive all the fucking way back down there and show them the fucking bulb with the 9005 on it and thank the fuckers for fucking fuckity fuck fuck bulb fuckers!" She rolls her eyes and tells me she'll see me in a little bit. And off I go back to Autozone to be all smarter than them.

I walk in and go up to the counter to Mr. Young Guy and say "My friend, I think you gave me the wrong bulbs. The other guy told me that I needed the 9006 bulb, but look here on the bulb I pulled - see - right here... it's stamped 9005."

Mr. YG: Yeah, that's the high beam.

Mister M: Really? (I'm already starting to feel the blood rush to my face, me, Mr fucking Smart Guy having to deal with the morons at Autozone - stupid jackasses that they are.)

Mr. YG: Sure is! Just to be absolutely certain, come here - let's check the computer together! His joviality was annoying and I knew at this point I was dead wrong, but I humored him... See - right here, "high beam - 9005, low beam -9006, you have the correct ones, sir.

I could see him holding back his laugh when I held up the 9005 bulb and looked at him, saying Uh, yeah, I guess I could have looked at the bulb and see here that the filament is still completely intact.

So, jackass walks out of the store and drives all the way back home, puts the high beam back where it belongs and replaces both low beams. He also endures the sarcastic, mocking laughter of Winechic who is just LOVING my embarrassing story after the pre-non-return rant.

~Mister-M

I fear for our future

Mr. M's boys are in boy scouts now. I have a deep hatred of the scouts but I'm supporting them and keeping my mouth shut. (I have a deep hatred of anything with uniforms that are so disgustingly ugly.) Tonight was a scout trip to see the Phantoms. Mr. M and I have enjoyed going to games before, when the Flyers were on strike, so he bought tickets. I didn't realize it was like, ALL the scouts in the area until the announcements started.

As the team came out they stated how many troops and dens were there and then announced that a local 6th grade choir would be singing the National Anthem. Can you imagine? Working your whole life to be a pro hockey player and having to settle for this? Being in a half empty stadium with only 5000 attendees, half of them scouts, and having a half deaf choir singing the National Anthem. They all looked like they were thinking "WHAT THE FUCK DID I DO IN MY PAST LIFE TO DESERVE THIS?"

The game finally started and we had great seats to see the Phantoms getting their asses handed to them. After the first period they had half the scouts down to walk on the ice. Mr. M went to take photos while I videotaped. As they exited the ice, I got up to hit the restroom only to find that SS6 hadn't made it down to the ice as he was scared. Luckily a security guard was taking care of him until Mr. M happened to come along. When I came back to the seats, SS6 was sitting by himself. After a few minutes I looked up and Mr. M was standing there looking dumbfounded. He couldn't find SS9 (oh yea, hey he had a birthday!), so he went back outside to search. He came back. He went back out. He finally came back and explained that SS9 had decided to use the bathroom after getting off the ice, only to realize when he came out that he had no idea how to get back to the seats. Ooops. Neither of the kids handle stress real well, and by stress I mean someone looking at them crosseyed, so I imagine this was pretty upsetting, but he settled down quickly when he returned to the seats.

Near disaster averted we returned to watching the Phantoms get their asses kicked. Sporting events always have annoying music excerpts to go along with plays, goals, penalties, etc. We always get a kick watching kids throughout the stadium dancing and having a good time. My heart stopped during the third period when suddenly, for no reason at all, the theme song to..
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Sponge Bob Squarepants came on. Huh? Yea. Now imagine, a stadium full of 6-10 year olds. Singing. Sponge Bob. Squarepants. I'm sure Mr. M can relay what my face looked like at that point.

Fortunately the Phantoms pulled something out of their ass and scored two goals in THE LAST THIRTY SECONDS. They then WON in sudden death overtime. All in all, a good time.....

Just add lube

Mr M says: Dear Mr M,
Your requested prescription order for Friday, November 9th is ready for pickup :hyper:
Queen says: lol
M says: I'm on email notification from Walgreens.
Q says: ah
M says: That's a benefit of being with the same practice for 40 years.
Q says: lol, you're old
M says: "Awwwwwwwwwwwwwww c'mon, pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeze?!?!?!" Okay, Mr. M, let me see what I can do.
Q says: they just wanna touch your hiney
M says: I have to go up there tomorrow during our travels to pick up a paper. For my bloodwork.
Q says: k
M says: I asked for a complete physical and the "special two-finger" exam.
Q says: special
M says: It's $2 more in co-pay for the extra finger, but I figure it's worth it.
Q says: lmfao, I'm so blogging that
M says: :rolleyes: This daily post thing is a bit much.
Q says: lol, I know, I'm digging way down for crap to post about
M says: Digging? Crap? Hiney? I "smell" a pun there.

Hairy Pooper and the Magical Tookus

Q: Guess what I did today?
M: Got laid?
Q: Not yet. I got a Wegman's card! Which is like the best thing ever! And if I get laid too, this would be the best day ever!

This discussion took place at 10:59 pm, and unfortunately events that took place thereafter didn't allow for blogging before 11:59pm, so I went to sleep instead. Mmmmmmmmm.....

Don't even think about holding back

Queen: I know you want to get on the computer, I can feel the vibes.
Mr. M: Actually I want to get on you.
Queen: Well what are you waiting for?

Okay I'm tired of winter already! Can someone turn back the clock, it's too fucking cold around here.....

Um, seriously, you couldn't come up with something better? Not even close? A not so great title

Love, In the time of Cholera?

Say hello to my little liver

Mr. M has suggested TheraFlu. Do you know what that shit tastes like? Kind of like licking cement and the inhaling manure, yummy. My solution:

Vodka and Benadryl

Bring it on.....

Shed a tear for me

I went to bed last night with a slight runny nose, so I took a Benadryl so I could slip into blissful sleep. Yea. That didn't happen.

At midnight I woke up with a sore throat and sweating. Guhreat. I was up every half hour, waffling between not being able to empty the snot and not being able to stand the stinging of air against my scratched to hell esophagus.

I made it to 8am and decided to have a milkshake for breakfast. I think I need to do that more. Awesome.

If you hear a scream it's because I have run out of tissues.....

I blow, you blow, we all blow

I'm listening to a boring ass conference call. From one of the top two people in our company. Snore.

I'm extremely depressed and boring myself right now. So I guess it's perfect.

I have no idea what I want. I have no idea what Mr. M wants. I just have no idea.

I'm waiting for my pizza to finish burning by the smell of it.

We had our first new playgroup today. Fun. Actually it was nice out so we were at the playground, and then the volleyball pit watching toddlers throw sand on each other. Watching parents do nothing and then wonder why the toddler does it again when they received no consequence. Duh.

I bet you can't wait to read the next 25 days of my posts huh?

Perfectionist, I'm not

Ah yes, so I've missed a day already. BUT I HAVE AN EXCUSE TEACHER! Yesterday my neighbors and I threw a party for all 5 of our kids. We had cleaning to do, catering to complete, gifts to open, toddlers and preteens to tend to when they cried because their awful mother forgot to buy batteries for their brand new toys, spouses who were being pains in the butts (and I'm not even speaking of Mr. M, we simply aren't speaking), poker games to lose, and bottles and bottles of wine to drink. Just kidding, it was only one bottle. It should have been bottles and bottles, maybe I would have passed out and been blissfully happy instead of completely depressed and wondering what the fuck is happening to my life.

Today I am watching movies all day.....

Suck this

Guess what? I'm joining http://www.nablopomo.com/ a day late! Yea, I'm a total slacker. Are you wondering why someone who hasn't written a post in an entire month is going to commit to posting EVERY DAY for an entire month? Yea, so am I. But here we go.

Life is crazy. And YET Blogger totally logged me in automatically today! Yea Blogger, that only took 7 months! Yesterday I told Mr. M I just want a normal life. He looked disappointed and I told him he doesn't even know what I mean by that. I want a life where I have choices. I have none right now. Like, hey let's take a vacation! Nope, no can do. Hey, let's go see a movie! Nope, no can do. Hey let's run off to Tuscany and get married! Nope, no can do. Hey, let's have a baby! Nope, no can do. Man, life sucks.

Tomorrow is a big day here. The Prince and Princess are celebrating their birthdays. As well as the boy next door and the twins behind us. So we decided to have ONE HUGE PARTY! It's been fun hearing the Princess warn people that they may be confused by the cake that has FIVE names on it. They've been practicing how to sing the happy birthday song with FIVE names in it. The Princess asked why I had wrapping paper out today:

"Hmmmm, I don't know."
"Maybe it's because you have to wrap presents."
"Nah, why would I do that."
"Because you love us!"
"So I have to buy you presents to show that I love you?"
"Yep, that's the rule!"

What have I raised?

Finances blow at the moment. We are still paying child support. Yep. We split custody half way and yet we still have to finance Psycho Mom's lifestyle. That is fucked up. We have to pay for TWO houses and still give her money. That is fucked up. We have to listen to her lie and lie and lie, and take no responsibility for anything. SS8 is the only kid that hasn't earned a badge after 2 months of boyscouts. He said Mom never told him he had to do anything. Apparently it's enough that he's signed up so she can say she has him in something. Of course it's not anything active, shocker! And of course she didn't sign up SS6, because then she would have to do something twice a week, and SS6 said he didn't want to, so of course he shouldn't have to. Shocker!

So, the family is arriving in the morning, for their annual one day visit. Fuckers. So not worth the effort I put into hand washing my wood floors.....